i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
