So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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