Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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