At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
