i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize