the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We named our party play list daddy issues
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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