Already got asked if we're dating
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
3 2 1 whiskey
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
