Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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