we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
