There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
