I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
