he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
