Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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