Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
