She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
