i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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