I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Randomize
