yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
