Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
