it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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