I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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