he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
