just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
