if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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