Plan B is the new Plan A
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
