My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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