So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
