I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
