Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
