is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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