There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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