He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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