im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
