No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
