she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Terrible idea I love it
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
