we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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