Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
