Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Randomize