Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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