he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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