she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
