Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
