I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
