Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
