Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
