The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
should my penis look like a turkey
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
