Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
