The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
