oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
