i barfeds in our rink
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
