Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i just made my gag reflex go away.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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