Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
