I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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