They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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