New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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