He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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