one might say we're banned from that church
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize