Christians are straight up FREAKS
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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