dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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