Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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