I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
