sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
