If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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