Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
