He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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