even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
