No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
