words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
