Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
