lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
