dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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