I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
